Alot of my friends are unaware, but there was a point in my life, in which I was physically abused. This abuse came from my birth mother. She had a habit of getting drunk almost every single day, with the money my dad would send her for child support. Now before I go any further, just know that my father was a great father. He always did everything he was able to do for us, to make us happy and satisfied. When my mother started drinking heavy, she would always argue. It eventaully got to the point when, my dad was no longer able to take it. So he seperated from her, and went to live somewhere else. Leaving my sister and I, to deal my drunken mother. For some odd reason everytime she got drunk, she felt the need to abuse me. Maybe I reminded her of my father, I'am not sure. All I know is that, it was the worst. It started happening a lot when I was in the 6th grade. At that time I was still living in the Bronx. The abuse started very slowly. Little by little, I would miss more and more days of school. My mom got to the point, where she would not wake me up at all to go. Of course the school got involved, due to the amount of school days I was missing. They would call my house, but my mom would not pick up the phone. Everytime they called, I would get so nervous. Only because, my mom would always get angry at me. Angry at me when it was actually her fault. Her being the parent, she should have made it her priority, to send me to school. So everytime the school called asking about me being absent, she would take it out on me. Doing everything from choking me, to punching me. I was so terrified of her, and no child should be terrified of there parent. It eventually got to the point, where she would blame me for everything. I would wake up scared about what would happen to me. She would accuse me of stealing her things, hitting my sister, touching my sister, and many other things I did not do at all. Not going to lie, for a point in time, I hated my sister. Only because sometimes, she would lie in fear, saying I did things to her. Even though I know she said it because she was afriad, I was still upset with her. My mother tried choking me, with my hoody. She choked me in the air, until I was knocked out. Threatened to throw me out of the window, as well as throw my down the incinerator. One night she even ran the bath tub, and tried very hard to drown me under the water. Now dont think I'm lying about any if this. Everything I'am sharing with you, is very true. I hated going to sleep, and was afraid to wake up. No child should have to go through that, especially a child who does not cause trouble. There was one night that she took me in the bathroom, and just put a knife to my throat. Once again, I did nothing wrong. I just remember not knowing if I was going to live or die. I just stood against the wall, staying as still as i could. She just kept saying things that had nothing to do with me, so I just stood quiet. Waited for her to come to her senses. When she finally did, I ran to my room and started crying. I wanted god to come and save me so bad, however I dont think he was able to come in time. I was left alone for a good 30 minutes, and then I hear music blasting. Eventually she came into my room, and told me to come to her room. Her stereo was blasting, and she was dancing all over the place. She told me to just sit on her bed, and of course I did what she said. Her friend was over at this time. Her friend was a mentally challenged individual, who knew what my mother was doing was wrong. She never said anything because if she did, my mother would start to argue with her. Therefore, she always stood out of it. On the occasion I'm speaking of, for no reason my mother started beating me with a brush. Beating me strictly on my butt. She did this for about a good 10 minutes straight, no exaggeration . While she was doing this her friend was standing in the door way, and I remember reaching out to her for her help. She was not able to do anything, and I honestly did not expect her to do anything. After this terrible beating, I was sent to my room and cried myself to sleep. It was a challenge to sit down, because my butt was as sore as can be. That next morning was quiet, and it was for a good reason. I woke up to an empty house. Empty and messy as can be. The apartment smelt like beer and strong liquor. Furniture was moved all over the place, and no food to eat. My sister and I were young and all alone at home. I had no choice but to call my grandmother. and inform her of the situation. She told told me "I will call your grandfather, and we will come and pick you guys up shortly". I hung up the phone feeling a bit at ease. My sister was very scared. She asked me "Elias, what are we going to do?" I responded "dont worry, we will be picked up shortly." The whole time I was just hoping that my grandparents would get to the house, before my mother did. When they arrived they seen the condition of the apartment, and were speechless. My grandfather told me "elias pack up some clothes, because you guys are going to stay with us for a while." Without hesitation, I packed our clothes. Before you know it, we are in route to their house. I was so happy knowing, I was leaving my house. Even though I knew it was not permanent, it still brough some joy to my heart. As we arrive at my grandparents house, I felt so much more comfortable. Was able to eat in peace, and not worry about getting hit. However like all good things, that came to a quick end. Within a few hours my evil mother showed up, and I was so upset. When she arrived there was no coversation, she just told us to get out stuff. So of course we did. Said goodbye to our grandparents and headed home. We took a cab, and the whole ride was as silent as can be. We get home, and I head straight to my room. To my surprise my mother did not bother me. This put hope in my heart. I thought maybe my mother was getting better. The weekend was near, and she asked "would you like to go to your aunts house, for the weekend?" Me being as scared of her as I was responded, "of course I would, I havent seen her in a while." So my sister and I were sent to New Jersey for the weekend. Now while we were up there, we were having so much fun. It felt great to be able to laugh and enjoy yourself, while not worrying about the day taking a dramatic change. I did everything from play football, to riding bikes. Played video games, and watched movies. It was like paradise to me, compared to how I had to live in my house. So the whole time I'm having a blast, I dont even think to telll my aunt a thing about my mom. As bad as I wanted to, I was afriad of what my mother would do if she found out I told. With that being said, I stood quiet about the whole thing. The fun filled weekend of course came to a close, and it was time to head back to the bronx. I hated this part the most of course. I dreaded the whole ride back home. The whole drive my aunt was talking and laughing, and I wanted to tell her so bad. Yet like I said, I was to afriad of my mom. We finally arrive at my house, and I wanted to ask my aunt so bad, if I can go back home with her. My mother comes downstairs to get us, and they have there quick little conversation. Of course my mother acts as if, everything is perfect in our house. She was very good at acting like nothing was going on. They exchange hugs and kisses, and we head up to the apartment. As soon as we head inside my mother flips out. "Elias, what did you guys do over there?" I respond, "we had fun, like we were suppose to do." She smiles for a quick second, then gets very serious. "Did anybody show up out of the blue?" So now I'm very confused, because there were many people at my aunts during that weekend. "There was a lot of family there, if that is what your asking", I tell her. By the look on her face, it was clear she was getting frustrated. For a good couple of minutes, nothing was said at all. She then pushes me with force. "Did your father show up to the house?" "No, why would he show up? you told him to stay away from us" I think that response made her more upset with me, because she continued to push me. Still asking about my father, with so much hatred in her eyes. Now this is when I knew, something was about to happen. I knew that something was not going to be good. She comes out of nowhere and asks, "was your father in the bed with your aunt?" Now this is when I'm like whoa time out, in my head of course. She sees the confused look on my face, and I think that is what made her believe he was. "No, daddy was nowhere near us the whole time we were there, I never seen him." For some reason she had it in her head, that he was there the whole weekend. She starts to slap me over and over, asking about my dad in the process. "was he there? dont lie to me" Crying and trying to asnwer at the same time I tell her, "no he was not there." Everytime she hears no, she hits harder and harder. It went from slaps to the face, to punches to the body. Now anybody who knows me knows, at the age of 21 I,m still a small person. Well I was about 10 years, taking body punches from a grown woman. She was knocking the wind out of me over and over, not caring at all about the pain. I begin to scream once my breath comes back, and she covers my mouth. "Dont you dare scream, or it will get worse." So I try as hard as I can to lower my voice, however it was very hard. Out of nowhere she left me alone. Went to her room, and locked her door. I'm just laying on the floor in our living room, in so much pain. I hated her so much. A good 30 minutes go by, and I'm still on the floor. I did not want to move at all, because I though if I did, it will be bad news for me. As I'm just laying all I can think about was my father. I missed him so much, and just wanted him to come and save me. My dad had no clue what was going on in our house though. As the night grew older, my evil mother was still in room. I figured it was safe now, and made my way to my room. Curled myself up in my bed, and cried myself to sleep. It was not the best sleep, but it helped a little. I woke up very early, around 5 in the moring. The house was very quiet, and I felt as if I was in a suspensful movie. I felt everything was safe, up until i heard the bang. She kicked open my room door, and it fell right of the hinges. "Why was your door locked?",she asked. I respond, "I always lock my door." She picks me up out of bed, and takes me into the hallway. Her breath smelled of strong alchohol. With out any other words, she holds me by the neck, and just tossed me. I landed mouth first on to the floor, and was surprised that I didnt lose any teeth. I was not in pain, but I did stay on the floor. I look into the living room, and who do I see? Jessie. A guy who did security at one of the stores my dad managed. When I seen him, just sitting on the couch I was very confused. He seen me on the floor, and said nothing. This is the second person who has seen my mom abuse me, and has said nothing. He did not tell her stop, nor why she was doing it. It almost seemed to me, like he didnt care. Shortly after that, he leaves of course. I guess he may have felt akward, who knows or cares. Once again my mother goes to her room. I can hear that she is on the phone, just can't make out what she was saying. "Elias!!!!!!" When I heard that, I got so scared. I walked near her room, and she comes out with the phone in her hand. "Your grandmother wants to speak to you." For some reason when I heard that, I was very happy. Almost felt as if, I would be able to cry for help to her. To my surprise however, my mom was standing over me the time. So I was not able to say what I really wanted to say. "Hi elias, how have you been?" "I've been okay grandma, what about you?" As I asked the question, my mother gave me this evil stare. "Okay give me back the phone now", my mom said. While she was pulling the phone away, I was able to hear my grandma saying something. My mom then said, "Go to your room now." As I head toward my room i hear, "he had homework to do, he'll call you back later." Once I heard that, I felt more punishment was coming my way. I was in my room watching tv, trying to not think about anything. My mom then comes in my room asking about a phone book. "Where did you put my phone book?" Now I was really lost when she asked that, because I never tocuhed any of her things. "I did not touch it, maybe you lost it mom." A punch to my eyebrow comes real fast, and I fall to the floor with my hand over my eye. She then says, "or maybe you wanted me to lose it, so you hid it somewhere." In my mind I'm saying, "okay this happened before, so just play along with her." "You know what mom, I think I seen it in the kitchen." So I go into the kitchen, acting like I'm looking for something that I know is most likely not in there. The whole time she is just watching me, and it made me very nervous. After 10 minutes of "searching" she tells me to stop. "Just tell me where you put it, and stop playing." So to avoid getting hit again, I make up a story. "okay mom, i threw it out the window a few days ago." Now I said this because, I thought maybe she wouldn't care as much about it. Boy was I wrong. She then says, "well since you threw it out there, you better go find it". I now get dressed because, she was not joking. As I walk to the elevator, she tells me if I come back without it, the beatings will get worse. Now I knew the book was not out there, but this was my way to try and escape. She watches me from the window, and sees me look around. After about 15 minutes she tells me to come back upstairs. I was so terrified, and would have rather went anywhere else. So instead of going back home, I just walk around around outside. We lived in Co-Op City, and everything was pretty much close. I look back at it now, and I was very dumb. I say that because, a police station was right down the street from us. At the time, that was not on my mind. I was so afriad, I felt nobody was able to help. A good 35 minutes pass by, and I'm still outside. After a while my mom sent my friends to look for me. They found me in no time. "Louie where have you been?, your mom is so worried about you." "I was just walking around, I was going to head back soon." I wanted to stay at their house so bad, but I knew my mom would not have let that happen. They take me upstairs, and I'm at the point where I dont even care. As they knock on the door, I was hoping she was not going to answer. In no time she was at the door. "Thanks for bringing him homw guys, he had me so worried about him." "No problem Mrs. Morales, we didn't want anything to happen to him." If they only knew what my own mother was doing to me. As they leave of course, she wants to act like she loves me. Hugs me tight, until they are no longer in view. Slams the door, and here we go again. "Where the hell did you go?" Once again her breath was very strong, with achohol. I just stand there and say nothing. "Did your aunt come with your father?" That gave me a flash back to the other night. I was not able to understand why she always brought them up, and made it seem like they were a couple. "No, I was by myself the whole time." She gave me those dagger eyes again. "Elias do not lie to me, you can tell me if they came. I wont do anything." At that moment, I felt as if I could not move at all. I did not know to do or say. A moment of silence passed by, then she broke it. "I seen your aunts car outside, and your dad was inside." I then respond, "nobody was out there with me." All she does is smile. "You love your family so much, I see you lie for them." Then came the punch to the body. As I dropped to the floor, she brings over a bottle of liquor. I brace myself, because I expected to get hit with the bottle. "Drink some of this", she says to me. I just stare at her in disbelief, and she makes me open my mouth. She pours the liquor into my mouth, and the taste was horrible. I spit it out, and as I do that she squeezes the back of my neck. "If you dont drink this, I'm going to hit you again." Without hesitation, I do as she says. She then tells me to go in my room. I do as she says. Lay down on my bed, and fall asleep. I maybe slept for about an hour, then she woke me up. "Elias wake up!!! I'm going to ask you one more time. Was your aunt and father outside?" After being beat time after time, I was tired of it and told her what she wanted to hear. "Yes mom, they were outside. They saw me walking aroung, and called me over to the car. I went over and they asked, what was I doing outside by myself. I did not tell them anything, just told them I was going for a walk. Thats all that happened." I felt so bad after telling the lie, but I did not want to get hit anymore. She hugs me, and heads to her room. I knew that wasnt all that was going to happen that night, so I stood awake. She begins to blast the music, and tells me to come to her room. "Sit down elias, we are going to have fun." I sat on her bed, and just watched her. She seemed very happy, a little to happy in my opinion. All she was doing was dancing by herself, and she was also singing. This whole time I'm just sitting there, remembering the last time she called me in her room. Out of nowhere, her leg goes up in the air. It comes down straight on the left side of my head, and I fell to the floor. I felt nothing at all, just felt like I just been pushed off the bed. As I get up of the floor, she is still dancing and singing. I touch my head and I was leaking blood. Didn't know what to do, so I just went to my room. Grabbed a T-shirt, and pressed it to my head. This happened around 7 P.M. My wonderful mother did not notice untill about 9. "Oh my god oh my god, what happened to you? Why didn't you come get me?" I was still in shock, so I said nothing, She presses a scarf to my head, then ties it on my head. "Your aunt and father did this, didn't they?" I heard her, but said nothing. My mind was still not fully there. She holds me for a few minutes, then tells me she loves me. Heads back into her room, and continues her music. It was now midnight, and she finally smells the coffee. "Elias we have to take you to the hospital, so get ready." Now mind you five hours have passed, and my head is still open. We get into a cab, and head to the hospital. We go to the emergency room, and we are seen right away. They clean the wound, and kept asking how it happened. Nobody answered them, so once they left for a few minutes, my mom came to me. She said "if you dont tell them your father did this, I'm going to kill you when we get home". My body froze at the sound of this. I did not want to blame my father, but I also did not want to die. So as the doctor comes in to staple my head, he starts talking to me. "okay buddy, how are you doing? I'm going to have to numb your head, so you may feel a sting." I was so into shock I did not feel anything the whole time. "Can you tell me what happened to you?" I stood quiet. He continued fixing me up, then left. Next thing I know a detective comes in. He gets straight to the point. "Hi you doing Louie? I'm going to get right into it. I need to know how that happened to you, and anything you tell me will be between us." I wanted to tell him so bad, but i remembered what my mom told me. In my head I was thinking the longer I take, the more trouble I would be in with my mom. So I tell him what my mom told me to say. "My dad did this to me." He looked at me with a look of confusion. "How did he do it?" I respond and said, "he punched me." "So he punched you, and gave you that gash in your head?" This detective was making me very nervous. I knew he was able to tell I was lying, but I did not know what else to do. "So he did that with his bare hands?" At that point i was very nervous and scared. Took me a while to say anything else, but I finally answered him. "Not with his bare hands, he had a ring on." He then wanted details such as, which is my dads dominant hand, which finger was the ring on, how big was the ring. I did not expect that, so I just told him I dont remember. He gave me a funny look, and just left. My mom came in, and she took me home. The ride home was very silent, which I was happy about. As soon as we get inside, my mother had a different attitude. She was very nice, and was caterting to my needs. "So what did they ask you?", she asked. I told her "They asked about what happened, and I told them what you said." After that, she did not ask about. I came to found out later, that social services began to get involved. That explained her change towards me.
( This is only part of what I had to go through. I will be posting more parts as time goes on. Thank you for reading.)
